Advice | Carolyn Hax: A guest resents getting roped into post-dinner cleanup

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Advice | Carolyn Hax: A guest resents getting roped into post-dinner cleanup
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Advice | Carolyn Hax: You want something different, so your frustration is reasonable, but your family has its methods.

There seems to be a culture or expectation that even if we are guests at one of their homes, everyone pitches in to thoroughly clean up after the meals . Everyone has their turn to host, so I am resentful when I am pulled into the group cleanup every single time. Can a guest not just be a guest? I feel annoyed that I cannot just sit there, lest it appear that I am being a selfish prima donna.

In your place, I’d surrender to the family custom — and direct your “elegant guest experience” efforts toward hosting a different crowd.In the past week, my husband has misplaced his vaccination card, a tape measure and a twist-tie. Each time his immediate reaction was, “What did you do with my X?” I’ve tried to explain why this is such an offensive way to approach this, and he says he’s just “trying to find his stuff.” Please help me explain to him how utterly insulting that language is.

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