Our fear of planning funerals for loved ones ultimately causes so much pain ✍️ stefanohat for ipaperviews
Stefano Hatfield: ‘For years my ma, who passed aged 91, did not wish to discuss her funeral and we did not feel the need to bring it up’ : Christmas week. Her funeral is not until February. My Jewish and Muslim friends are aghast: why is it taking so long? Good question. How do they arrange their commemorations so quickly?
My ma died on a Monday – it wasn’t until the Friday before Christmas that the hospital confirmed cause of death and then everything was closed over the holidays. The weeks since have been unnecessarily tricky.If we had discussed her wishes more when she was alive, this process could have been practically simple for my sister and I – despite sky-high emotions.
For years my ma, who passed aged 91, did not wish to discuss her funeral and we did not feel the need to bring it up. It was a sensitive subject because we have so much early death in our family. It became more pressing as her health and strength started to diminish. However, as she became more prepared to discuss the issue, we lost the appetite to do so. The quicker the inexorable march became, the more emotional the conversation. More fool us.
However, she had paid for a burial plot in the space above our late father, when he passed in 1966. I recently learnt that these “spaces” are often held for only 50 years on lease. Plots alone cost between . The total average cost of a burial is just over £5,200, not including the post-funeral wake. My ma did take out an insurance policy to cover these costs. Luckily, we’re not arguing about money.
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