‘My ex fiancé has spiraled and turned to alcohol - I don’t know how to help’

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‘My ex fiancé has spiraled and turned to alcohol - I don’t know how to help’
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In this week's Lalalaletmeexplain column, Lala replies to a reader who is unsure how to help their ex partner (TW: this column contains discussions of domestic abuse)

In Lalalaletmeexplain's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems.

Are you an OK! VIP? If not, why not? It’s free and gives you backstage access to stories like this, exclusive home tours, special discounts and so much more! All you need to do is pop your email address below! P.S. If you’re already seeing this article in full, congrats - you’re already on our guest list! I met my ex in February when he was visiting the UK on a temporary work visa with plans to stay here full time.

We travelled back to England together and he was refused entry because he didn't get the right visa. After that he blamed me for ruining his life. He drank more and said he was suicidal when we spoke. I was worried for his life. We would go through periods where he would be feeling better, and it would be like normal and other times where it would be genuinely awful. Eventually, he said he went to therapy and things got better and we were happy again.

The good thing is that you are safe here in the UK. It’s clearly difficult for him to get here now. I think that going to stay with him would make you very vulnerable and I’d advise you strongly not to return there. It is completely understandable that you feel compassion and empathy towards this man who you love. It is normal to care deeply, even after the most depraved abuse.

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