Dear How to Do It: It’s so hard for me to watch my husband date other women.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column.I’m writing for advice about how to have a relatively happy and functional “uneven” non-monogamous marriage.
But I’m also really struggling because I think I am, for the most part, a monogamous person. I’ve tried dating on my own too and haven’t found anyone I click with because my heart just isn’t in it. I felt only a mild spark for the third in our threesome. My libido is higher than ever: I want him all the time. But I still just only want him. And I’m jealous and anxious about his dating all the time.
Share your feelings with your husband. Let them know you’re struggling with jealousy, that you’re sad and questioning your value to him, and that you’re frustrated by the situation you’re both in. Express that. Give him a chance to support you, to address your concerns, and make changes to his behavior if he’s willing. Maybe that’s as simple as having alone time for an hour. Even if you’re in the same room, turning away and using headphones will help a little.
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