Read an excerpt from Hilary Leichter’s debut novel, “Temporary”
Photo: Getty Images The Cut is publishing excerpts of books coming out during the coronavirus pandemic. After each selection, join us for brief interviews with the author.
“Here, have a seat,” he says. He points to the floor, resetting the corner of the rug with his toe. We sit across from each other. “Like this?” I ask, leaning my forehead against the glass. “More desperate,” he says, studying my gaze. “Pick a point of focus outside and commit.” “What else?” “There was the house with the doors that opened and closed.” His eyes start to widen, then flutter, then droop. “There were bombs and blimps and barnacles, and a little boy who was best of all things.”
“Actually, it is,” I say. “I promised you a job, not a family,” he says, a baby snarl dilapidating the base of his chin. He’s already growing up cruel, I think, brokenhearted, primed to break hearts. I wonder if he’ll grow up to be someone’s boyfriend, their only boyfriend, or one of many. The boy tells me about his ten-year plan, about how he wants to run a business when he grows up, how he could run a business very fairly. A business he could pass on to his kids, something that would stick. “First you need a prospectus, like this,” he says, drawing a circle with his finger on the kitchen counter. “Then you start hiring,” he adds, “like how I hired you.”The boy’s plan sounds bright and metallic, so sleek that it hurts to look in the direction of his dreams.
“Oh, he comes and goes as he pleases.” “But who tells him to go away?” “No one. He never goes away.” He pretends to talk with the Chairman in his room, down the hall, and into the kitchen. I can hear him exclaiming and reasoning, discussing everything from math homework to pets.“Whoa!” I say. “Did you see him? He was hanging out with me!” “I totally saw.” “Whoa.
I shrug. “I can’t help it.” “Try,” he says, grabbing the bicycle handles, the bright red bell above the brake. His face changes for a minute, softens. “I’ll keep it,” he says, “but only to make you happy.” “The kids!” they exclaim, and they talk about their kids. “The pets!” they exclaim, and they talk about their pets. “The husbands!” they exclaim, and they talk about their husbands. The plurality of their lives, I think, trying to cast a line to a person, place, or thing I can claim for myself.
“Thanks,” he says, running off to change in the bathroom. He tucks his wrong jeans in my bag and returns to his friends, to their deliberations over donuts.“It was a kind of fun,” he says. We walk the rest of the way in silence. When we get home, he suggests I get mad, then get sad, then stare out the window.The moms sit at the picnic table with their coffees. We talk about the boys. We talk about the bombs. We talk about the petition for the thing no one remembers.
I stand to watch the scene, the boy and his friends scattered on the rug, heads almost touching, limbs landing this way and that. Tomorrow, I think, I’ll rent movies. They can watch movies all day long. They can just sit here and watch as many movies as they want. How many days are like that? It’s a good kind of day to have. I make a shopping list for all the different kinds of days I want to provide for my son, and I cross this day off the list.In the morning, I wake up already standing.
“I don’t remember,” I say. I muster all my human resources to not collapse, to not die right here on the spot. “Don’t come back, ever,” say his friends. There are lots of different kinds of mothers. He never specified which kind he wanted. You explain to your supervisor that you can detect their despair, and your supervisor declares that this makes sense. “Despair clings to the metal you’re already detecting.”
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