Feeling overwhelmed by shame or guilt after a recent rejection? Here's a healthy way to respond, writes DrGinaSimmons
The experience of feeling useful, productive, playful, and connected changes our perspective. If we feel rejected by one part of our community, it is healing to experience acceptance by another. While it might feel very difficult to begin to connect with others again, remember that every person is a new universe. Seeking out new, rewarding relationships can help us heal from loss and rejection.
. “I need to start doing things for myself now. My husband called all the shots. Now, I must be brave enough to do what I want to do on my own,” she said. Marta auditioned for a local choir and was accepted. That action changed her life. A year later, Marta was singing lead parts in her choir performances. “I’m so excited that I was invited to sing on a professional recording for the choir!” she exclaimed. Marta had found a new tribe where she could freely express her love of music.
When you focus on creating new connecting experiences, you will respond in a healthier way to shame. Acting on something you value moves you in the direction you want to go. You will observe progress. As new connections form, opportunities forLanius, Ruth A. et al. The Sense of Self in the Aftermath of Trauma: Lessons from the Default Mode Network in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.Pulcu, Erdem, et al. Increased Amygdala Response to Shame in Remitted Major Depressive Disorder. PLoS One. 2014. 9.
Michl, P. et al. Neurobiological Underpinnings of Shame and Guilt: a Pilot fMRI study. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. 2012. 9. 150-157.
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