When it comes to your significant other's ex, where’s the line between natural curiosity and straight-up obsession?
Last month I was at a Planned Parenthood benefit lunch at the Pierre hotel, making small talk with a fashion designer seated next to me. “That woman over there,” the designer said, pointing across the room, “is my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.” I immediately knew what I had to do. “Ugh, she looks like a foot,” I said, reassuringly. The designer looked at me like I was Ann Coulter.
Take my friend Linda, for example . Linda is a 27-year-old event planner and part-time dominatrix. She’s been with her boyfriend for more than a year, yet his ex is still an ever-present ghost in her life. “The other day I was walking through Washington Square Park,” Linda told me over coffee last week, “and out of the corner of my eye I saw long blonde hair and red sunglasses, and I didn’t even have to turn around, I justit was her.
And then there’s the Mean Girl factor. The funny thing is, unless the ex is actively trying to steal your partner back from you, there’s really no reason to be jealous or to see them as the enemy. And yet, I’m embarrassed to admit, I often feel compelled to trash-talk my partner’s exes, even if I’ve never even seen them in three dimensions. Maybe I’m testing my partner, to see if they’ll join in on my trash-talking.
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