There’s no better way to embrace autumn than by picking apples in temperatures that remind you that the genuinely comfortable part of the season now lasts for only about three hours, all of which you will spend inside working.
Hi, everyone, and thank you all so much for coming out to our apple orchard today! We are thrilled that you’ve decided to spend your Saturday with us, apple-picking—a fall activity that is definitely fun for reasons we’ve never been able to articulate clearly.
Now, for those of you with children, please let us know whether they’re too young to be here or too old to be here. If they’re too young, we’ll direct you to the area where they can stumble around aimlessly until they hurt themselves trying to reach an apple and start sobbing uncontrollably, forcing you to cut the trip short.
Anyway, enough about all that. It’s time to get to the good stuff—the apples! We’ve got every kind you could want here: red, green, reddish-green, greenish-red, unappealing yellow, really hard ones that your kid who is too old to be here can throw at your kid who is too young to be here, and brown. So,many brown ones. Please pick a lot of those. They deserve homes, too.
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