Zaina Arafat's 'You Exist Too Much' follows a woman trapped in the space between different cultures and religions, navigating both her sexual identity and the fear of rejection. Arafat does a lot in her debut novel, our critic writes — and it works.
Arab. Bisexual. Migrant. Anorexic. The list goes on and on. The main character in Zaina Arafat'sis a nesting doll of otherness, and her journey from 12-year-old Palestinian American girl walking around Bethlehem to young woman traveling the world and looking for love in the arms of strangers is a perfect example of how culture and family can affect those whose lives span different realities.
As a child, her American friends call her"the terrorist," a joke she later comes to see as a microagression. As an adult, she's constantly obsessed with women she can't be with, longing for a girlfriend but unable to come out of the closet. Throughout all of it, her overbearing, homophobic mother, mental illness, and an eating disorder keep her from happiness.'You Exist Too Much' is about wanting and not having.
Arafat tries to do a lot in this novel, and she pulls it off. This is a story about a woman trapped in the interstitial space between different cultures and religions, but it's also about sexual identity and the effects of fear of rejection and codependency. The main character knows what she wants, but she doesn't know why she wants it — and understands that her family will abandon her if she tells them what she wants.
This is not a happy novel. There are shining moments of friendship and fun, but they are highs in a life that's an almost constant low. Everything the narrator is — what she desires, where she is, and where she comes from — forces her to live in"a liminal state between two realms, unable to attain full access to one or the other."You Exist Too Much
a bleak atmosphere that's reinforced by some of the narrator's thoughts:"The notion that everyone will eventually cease to exist brings me great comfort and temporary courage."
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