Lalalaletmeexplain helps a reader whose partner ghosted her the day before a holiday
In Lalalaletmeexplain's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems.
After three days of silence, I thought something must've happened to him, so I went to his house . I found him there in bed and he told me he wanted to be left alone. I gave him space and then after a few days I tried to message and call, but got no response. Being ghosted is awful, it’s bad enough when it happens after one date, or even mid-conversation on an app, but for it to happen in an established relationship is traumatic. The problem with ghosting is that we try to answer the questions it leaves us with, we attempt to fill in the blanks, and if we are predisposed to low self-esteem then we inevitably look to ourselves and what we think is wrong with us to find the answers.
Ultimately, ghosting serves to avoid accountability. The ghoster doesn’t want to face explaining themselves, or hurting you, they don’t want to be accountable for the ending of the relationship. Sometimes they simply don’t know how to end it and the thought of having the conversation fills them with dread. It’s a cowardly way out.
Maybe he met someone else, maybe he's suffering with depression, maybe he's having serious financial problems, maybe he decided he didn’t want to date someone with kids, maybe he realised he’s gay, maybe he got the ick, maybe he fell too deeply in love and can’t handle his feelings and requires intensive therapy. Maybe the prospect of the holiday made him panic, maybe, maybe, maybe, there are a thousand potential maybes……speculating and ruminating over them will not give you the answer.