Are people with a taste for BDSM or kink born with it, or do they pick it up through experience? For that matter, how does anyone acquire any sexual predilection? Here's what the research shows.
a la Christian Grey. Most of those who cited nurture could point to specific incidents or series of events that propelled them toward kink:“As a kid, I loved playing cowboys and Indians. I was always up for being the cowboy tied up by the Indians.”. I recovered by getting into power exchange, which is incredibly intimate.”. So I became a people-pleaser—and a sub.”Sex Essential ReadsOne-quarter of study participants said they had no idea why they were kinky.
"I think everyone is kinky. ‘Normal’ is just a word we use to describe people we don’t know very well.”Among the “nurture” group, about half said trauma had contributed to their interest in kink. Few went into detail. But most implied that as children, they’d felt used or exploited. Most said they felt attracted to BDSM because of the clear agreements between doms and subs, with safe words giving subs control of the play. Many called that “healing.
“I enjoy being a sub. I have all the power. It might not look that way, but at any time, I can say my safe word, and everything stops. I feel glad to have met so many wonderful people who are open to my taking control this way.”Therapists are divided about the advisability of child abuse survivors getting involved in kinky play. Those opposed often say kink reflects being “stuck” in the trauma and unable to get past it.
But there’s much more to heterosexual sex than PVI. Where does the rest of heterosexual lovemaking come from? What causes kissing? Erotic massage? Oral sex? Anal play? Or enjoyment of sex toys? Some heterosexuals say their erotic inclinations are their nature, who they’ve been since birth. Others point to nurture, to their life experiences. And some say they have no idea.
Where does any sex—heterosexual, LGBT+, kinky—come from? All we can state with certainty is that everyone is sexually unique, and that ouris as individual as our DNA. Nature and nurture both contribute. However, beyond those influences, the origins of sexuality are obscure. As we wrestle with what produced whatever our sexuality might be, it’s important to understand that ultimately, it remains a mystery.Hughes, SD and PL Hammack.
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