How sure are you that you and your partner agree on what constitutes cheating? Here's why you should keep talking.
The easy to say but harder to do solution is to avoid situations that could be tempting or lead to something tempting. It’s also wise to avoid situations that could give the appearance of bad intent, since there’s no need to add unnecessary headache. If in doubt, some checking in with your partner first and transparency along the way may also help calm your partner’sintuitions. If they bring something up, do your best to stay calm and hear their concerns without getting defensive.
However, others don’t get to vote on what happens in your relationship. And you and your partner shouldn’t decide what to do based on what the majority of your friends and family do. You wouldn’t base your decision whether to take your coffee black or with milk based on what your friends do, so don’t give them
power in something as nuanced as fidelity. Every couple needs to figure out what works for them, at this point in their relationship.Life is messy and complicated. Contradictions abound. Nuances can be difficult to sort out. Couples will face disagreements about each partner’s fidelity needs. There will be insecurities, doubts, hurt feelings, accusations, and pleas. If someone is important to you, then it is scary to think about losing them, so we have a right to be protective.
So keep having these conversations from time to time about what you each need from the other in order to feel secure in the relationship—especially those times when you don’t want to broach the subject. Whether you are concerned about your own actions/feelings or your partner’s, these times are the most important. However uncomfortable the conversation will be in that moment, it will only get harder the longer it is avoided.
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