Me, changing for gym class: I must not fear; fear is the mind killer....
I was first diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in my early 20s, but looking back, anxiety had been with me for a long, long time. But because of when I grew up, neither I nor my parents really understood what I was going through.I'm what they call a"geriatric millennial." When I was a kid, there was nowhere near the level of awareness of mental health issues that people have today.
These days, young people with anxiety can see their experiences reflected on social media, in TV shows and movies, and in young adult novels. There's still a long way to go, especially when it comes to making mental healthcare accessible and affordable for all, but the conversation around mental health has really changed.
When I had my first panic attacks in the summer between sixth and seventh grade, mental health awareness was almost nonexistent. I didn't have any idea what the heck was going on. So I didn't say anything about it to anyone; I just didn't have the words.The panic would usually come on at night, when I was trying to sleep. My heart raced, I started shaking and got unbearably hot, and I was sure I was about to die.
I'd never seen or heard anyone talk about panic attacks or anxiety disorders, so I didn't know how to understand or communicate what was happening. And I was afraid that something was deeply wrong with me, something too shameful to mention. I would tell my parents that I had trouble sleeping and complained most mornings about feeling too nauseous to eat breakfast. My parents took me to the doctor once after I refused to eat for days on end because of the nausea. The doctor found nothing physically wrong, so I had to force myself to eat to feel better.
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