'No matter what you tell them, they think their challenges are their fault because the rest of the world makes them feel that way. It’s wearing & tiring and makes them sad. No wonder children with ADHD have self-esteem issues; it is eroded at every turn.'
Sometimes, you blow up. No parent can control themselves all the time, and you need to give yourself grace when you mess up. It’s wearing to parent a child who forgets their lunch again and can’t find their sneakers again and loses their hat again. But when you lose it, they blame themselves. They feel like if they just tried harder, mom and dad wouldn’t be so mad or frustrated or disappointed. It hurts really bad, even if they never show it.
These interactions, though maybe well-intentioned, may make your child feel stupid and deficient somehow, even if you spend time building up their self-esteem in other ways.My “thing” was horseback riding; for my oldest, it’s diving; for my middle son, it’s learning about, catching, and collecting amphibians. My sons both live for their things. Theseboost their self-esteem. They get them through the hard days.
. A few key ones include “knowing when to stop talking,” “taking conversational turns,” , listening well, and not running off on tangents. Your kid knows they aren’t good at this basic human skill, but they don’t know how to fix it. It can be embarrassing and hurtful, because it leads to people disliking them and avoiding communication. It can be hard in the, especially, when your child follows the impulse to talk and other people want them to work instead.
Having ADHD is hard. But it’s not always hard in the ways you think. You think it’s all about forgotten shoes and late homework. But it’s far more than that. The, which most people rarely think about and never see, is far more devastating to kids than most adults realize — in part because they don’t have the words to tell you about it.
My advice is simple: Start talking, and start talking early. Ask your child how they feel, in specific language, about specific situations . Try as best as you can to shut down the shame game they live every day. It will still exist, but your support can mitigate it.
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