What Ungodly Thing Is This Royal Man Doing to a Cake?

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What Ungodly Thing Is This Royal Man Doing to a Cake?
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Prince Edward showed no mercy to this cake

Who is this man? Photo: @RoyalFamily/Twitter People feel very passionately about the right way to cut certain foods: watermelon, sandwiches, cake, to name a few. As someone who truly doesn’t care what people do in the comfort of their own kitchens, I’ve always abstained from entering any food-cutting debate. But in the wake of disturbing footage that recently emerged out of a community center in Northern Ireland, I can no longer remain silent.

On Thursday, the official royal family Twitter account tweeted a video that appeared, from the still thumbnail image, to be innocuous. One can see Prince Edward — who’s apparently a funny-guy royal — holding a knife and standing next to a large rectangular cake, surrounded by a jolly crew.

What came after I pressed play did the opposite of warm my heart — it caused my chest to tighten so severely that I’m still experiencing shortness of breath: As you can see, the royal man doesn’t simply cut what appears to be an exceptionally delicate sponge: He exuberantly mutilates it, and with excessive force, in a manner one of my co-workers aptly likened to gutting a fish or disemboweling a deer carcass. He shows no mercy to the confection.

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