'I’ve even shelled out $94 for a case of 96 rolls [during the coronavirus pandemic]. ... To me, this isn’t about panic-buying, but about buying peace of mind.'
panic-buying surfaced, social media mockery followed. The posts asked, in tones ranging from incredulous to scathing, how stupid are these people? What does toilet paper have to do with this pandemic?
In the seven years we’ve lived together, my hoarding has shifted. I’ve discussed hoarding in therapy, and my boyfriend has made it clear that he won’t tolerate my hoarding spreading throughout our home. I no longer have much on the floor except a few stray clothes. You might not even think I’m a hoarder if you saw the outward presentation of my home. But at heart, I still am, much of it locked inside closets, desks and drawers, and locked inside me.
To help me feel as grounded as possible, I surround myself with objects that epitomize safety and comfort — the more of them, the better. Whereas my boyfriend is a minimalist, I’m the opposite. Throwing things out causes me stress, because I’m always wondering: What if I need or want that item one day in the future? Accumulating objects, whether it’s useful ones like paper clips or pens or fun ones like stuffed animals, makes me feel like I’m prepared .
Right now, though, despite being well-stocked a few weeks ago, with my local grocery stores’ shelves bare, my supply has dwindled down to a dozen rolls, and with each roll, I lose a bit of my sense that everything is going to be OK. Of course, I recognize the immense privilege I have in being able to stay home, in having work, and in having enough food and toilet paper to last me a few weeks — and that I can afford to get more. I know not everyone has that luxury.
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