Violent Night Doesn't Sleigh

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Violent Night Doesn't Sleigh
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  • 78 sec. here
  • 3 min. at publisher
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  • News: 34%
  • Publisher: 55%

A splatter picture starring David Harbour's Santa, Violent Night is more than its joke-trailer premise would imply...but it's still not very good. rockmarooned's review:

Big-studio action movies have become so unmoored from physical reality, so reliant on animated stunt doubles and flimsy CG environments, that even the most reactionary older-guy-kicking-ass programmer is guaranteed a certain earthbound appeal. Movies like thetrilogy and their ilk aren’t necessarily well-choreographed ballets of violence, but there’s enough convincing, lumbering weight behind a star like Liam Neeson to give them some automatic punch.

This Santa, played by David Harbour, does have access to some manner of magic: He’s got a bottomless sack that can hold a seemingly infinite number of gifts, he can briefly turn to a fairy-dust-like substance in order to whisk in and out of chimneys, and he doesn’t age like a normal man. But he’s susceptible to a variety of mortal perils: He may have a decent constitution, but he can still get drunk; he may have a millennium-old vicious-warrior backstory, but he can still bleed.

There’s more plot than that, unfolding with the misplaced confidence of an 80-minute premise inexplicably padding itself out to an unseemly hour-fifty. Really, the natural runtime ofis around 150 seconds, or however long it would take for a fake trailer on CollegeHumor to get a little holiday-season Facebook pass-around in 2007. The only way to mitigate the cutesiness at feature length is to make it actually kick ass—to stage some genuinely good action scraps amidst all the “funny” business.

The movie is so tone-deaf about actual children that it seems to have no idea how old Trudy is supposed to be; from the sound of it, she’s at least eight, but acts more like a five-year-old. Still, it’s her trust in Santa, and his determination to live up to that trust, that givesViolent Night is ultimately a weirdly sincere movie about the power of Christmas magic, as well as one where a Santa Claus who vengefully murders two dozen people speaks gently and honestly to a kid who wants her parents to get back together for the holidays.

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