'Living a good life isn’t just about being happy. It’s about being authentically who we are, including pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, love and conflict.'
, experimenters asked participants to play the role of a seller, negotiating with a buyer. Their task was to sell a batch of mobile phones to the “buyer” at the highest price possible. The better the deal they were able to strike, the greater the reward they would receive in the real world at the end of the experiment. Some of the participants in the experiment were led to believe that the buyer was growing angry with them, whereas others were led to believe that the buyer felt happy.
Of course, there’s a difference between feeling an emotion like anger and acting violently. There’s also a big difference between experiencing negative emotions in healthy, manageable amounts and being completely overtaken by them. Like most things in life, virtually any emotion is best in moderation. But, as this and other studies show, just the right amount of certain negative emotions, acted on in effective ways, can be useful.
Perhaps the most important lesson in all this research is that living a good life isn’t just about being happy. It’s about being authentically who we are, including pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, love and conflict. If we felt happy all the time, we might end up missing opportunities to improve ourselves, fight for what we believe in, or engage in some of the most meaningful endeavors of our lives.
My colleague who said she was feeling “stressed out and anxious” is a physician taking care of patients with COVID-19. Every day, she faces gut-wrenching medical decisions and fear of contracting the coronavirus. But she also told me that, despite her worry, she feels that what she is doing brings purpose to her life.
“Sometimes the hardest experiences are also the most important,” she told me. “I’ll be happy when it’s over, but I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.”
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