The 29-year-old documented her divorce and the community stigma she faced on TikTok. Then her estranged husband killed her.
She had separated from her husband earlier this year, despite pressure from her family, and was trying to start a new chapter, she said in online posts. She got her own place in Chicago, miles away from the man she described as “toxic.”
In the residence, Chicago police officers found a 29-year-old female and a 36-year-old male unresponsive, both with gunshot wounds to the head. The woman was pronounced dead on scene, and the man was transported to the hospital, where he later died.As a Pakistani American, Khan’s killing sent shock waves through the diaspora. Other South Asian women who have been through divorces say they have faced the same stigmas and isolation when trying to leave abusive partners.
“There’s this stigma in our community that puts pressure on women to sacrifice,” said Rachna Khare, executive director at Houston area survivor organization Daya. “To sacrifice their emotional and physical well-being for the good of others. And while we all want to be altruistic human beings, it’s an undue burden on women specifically.”
Lost and traumatized, she turned to her family, hoping for guidance and support in finding a way out. “Living in that traditional cultural setup for so long, I did not have one single person in my life who said it’s absolutely the right thing to do,” she said. “Everyone around me told me that as a woman, I have to be the key person in keeping the family together … That I’m being selfish.”
Reputation culture looms large, she said, and women bear the burden of fitting mens’ expectations, even if it’s at their own expense. Family members often participate in this emotional abuse, according to Khare. But it doesn’t always look the same.
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