Something they forget to mention at Lesbian Orientation is that your first queer breakup will destroy you, in a “can I be hospitalized for this immense and insurmountable suffering” kind of way
— how can a lesbian with a full-time job and a screen-time limit on her phone possibly ever keep up?! Well, I did what any heartbroken lesbian should do at a time like this: I called out from work, popped a lot of popcorn, took a couple of Klonopin, smashed that “Ignore Limit” button, and kept scrolling.
Before you come at me for reveling in the suffering of real people, here’s the thing: When you’re in your own dark place, it can feel good to watch someone else’s life fall apart. Otherwise, why do we watch incredible reality shows like? Even a good old-fashioned rom-com can hit the spot. Drama heals drama, and nothing shuts your brain down quite like projecting your own pain and suffering onto innocent Brits who just want to find love in a villa.
The Lesbian Breakup Curse is more than just a mysterious phenomenon taking over our social-media feeds. It fills a need for content that’s relatable, realistic, and relevant to the queer community. When I was finally able to lock my phone, dry my tears, put on some chunky platform boots, and take the L.A. lesbian bar scene by storm, the No. 1 topic of conversation was, predictably, the Curse. This is our Super Bowl.
Lesbian representation in the media is minimal at best, and when it comes to mindless gay breakup content, it’s slim pickings for us queers. This obsession with the private dating lives of lesbian women stems from a desperation for actually good gay TV. If we had a lesbian dating show involving carabiners, the Woods on a Wednesday evening, and traveling 12 hours and three time zones for a first date, we probably wouldn’t need to focus so much on a “curse” that was outlined for us on TikTok.
So yes, it’s true I was a victim of the Lesbian Breakup Curse , but it pulled me up by the bootstraps, slapped me around a few times, got me through the dog-poop phase, and helped me gain some much-needed perspective. In fact, I think I’ll credit my entire recovery to the Curse — we gays really lift one another up, don’t we? And speaking of lifting up, don’t you worry, no exes were harmed in the writing of this story.
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