We were young, and I never expected my husband to die. I wish I had.
My marriage to Eli was an unceremonious affair. We both got off work early on a Friday afternoon and drove to the courthouse to say “I do” before it closed at 5 p.m. It was summer 2020 and COVID-19 was raging, so we donned face masks and regrettable quarantine haircuts along with our casual wedding attire. The whole event felt appropriate—it felt like us.
We were only 23. Decades of life stretched ahead of us, and the wedding felt relatively small in the scheme of all the exciting decisions and meaningful challenges to come. When the magistrate pronounced us married, we kissed—touching our two masks together—and signed the marriage certificate on the dotted line.In the months that followed, all the benefits of our marriage contract felt like a boon.
But our assumptions proved wrong. When that tragedy became not only imaginable but real, I found myself picking up the pieces of both my shattered heart and the convoluted consequences of our incomplete to-do list.
For those entering into long-term partnerships: This doesn’t have to be you. Take it from me, a 25-year-old-widow—there are easy, key steps that can be taken to protect your loved ones in the unlikely event of a worst case scenario. They’re not exactly fun, per se, but neither is being unprepared. With that in mind, here’s how to plan for the end at the beginning.While the stakes are low, talk to the person you can’t live without… about living without them.
The shock and pain in those early days was so sharp that with each breath I drew, my chest felt as though a razor-sharp ice cream scoop was disemboweling me; managing arrangements with a funeral home was my Everest. But Eli and I had talked about what we each would want in the event that one of us died. In a moment of profound sorrow, the memory of those conversations was a relieving gift. I didn’t have to make any hard decisions because he had already given me the answers.
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