Therapists reveal the sibling problems their adult clients frequently bring up.
“Clients who bring this issue to counseling have a grab bag of emotions: fear that this will ruin their relationship with their sibling, resentment of being expected to be around the new partner and anger if other family members do not feel the same way they do,” Poss told HuffPost.Sibling rivalries or other unresolved issues from childhood can seep into your relationship as adults, causing a divide.
The rift may be ignored until family gatherings, holidays or aging parent issues bring them to the surface, Smith added.“Even as adults, siblings often continue to consciously or unconsciously enforce the ‘roles’ that were assigned to each family member growing up — for example: ‘the baby,’ ‘the boss’ or ‘the black sheep,’” psychotherapistContinuing to be pigeonholed this way well into adulthood can be hurtful and get in the way of further personal growth.
Money matters are particularly contentious, Smith added. Fights could be about inheritance money and other assets after the parents have died. But finances can also breed animosity while the parents are still living. “Often, my clients will discuss not knowing how to fight healthfully and respectfully with their siblings because they came from conflict-avoidant homes where healthy rupture and repair were not modeled,” Dahlen deVos said. “Conversely, other clients need support in setting boundaries with their siblings because they come from high-conflict homes in which fights were volatile or otherwise painful and problematic.
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