The Ridiculous Egg Machine That Changed My Breakfast Game

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The Ridiculous Egg Machine That Changed My Breakfast Game
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.rachsyme on the vibe-shifting power of a fussy breakfast.

My egg machine is a squat ovoid in a gleamy mint-green, like something the Jetsons would display proudly in their glassy space house, or like a giggly Pixar character that would be voiced by Jenny Slate. It looks simultaneously vintage and made right now—rightappliances in Easter-egg hues rule supreme. It defies all of my steadfast kitchen rules: no single-use doodads, nothing that came via Internet-influencer girlbossery, nothing that clogs precious countertop space in a New York apartment.

I don’t come from a family of egg people. When I was growing up, my dad’s breakfast was a rotating selection of PowerBars, which he would buy in bulk from Costco and eat in the car on the way to work. My mother tended to skip breakfast and mainline black coffee instead. Maybe there would be a plastic mini-cup of yogurt, or a piece of toast smeared with the lightest wisp of Country Crock. Eggs were not a common indulgence in my house, let alone a daily breakfast staple.

A few years ago—in another life, before the pandemic—I began a seasonal ritual of checking myself into a local hotel to write. I never pre-planned a single stay. I simply waited until the urge to escape my apartment had grown from a low hum to something like a timpani drum charging through my brain, then decided it was time. I would click open the HotelTonight app and check in anywhere that looked halfway decent and was half off the normal price.

Is there any other simple indulgence as satisfying as a room-service hotel breakfast? You eat it in a bed, atop fresh sheets. The coffee, in one of those swirled plastic thermoses, seems endless. You can order eggs any way you like.

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