Here, learn about the parenting strategies that may unintentionally exacerbate a teen’s symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder or pathological demand avoidance — and what to do instead.
Parental communication style can contribute to a child’s oppositional behavior — for better or for worse. Invitations, tag teaming, collaboration, being a
, and noticing your child’s efforts all contribute to better cooperation. Reconsider how you ask your child to engage in a task and what happens when they fail to do so.A “no” might be a response to what your adolescent views as a demand rather than a request. The use of words such as “need,” “must,” or “will” may be triggering for kids who have PDA. These non-negotiables give them the impression that a decision has already been made.
ODD and PDA are repetitive patterns of behavior, so don’t treat them like isolated events. Plan for explosions. What options are available when your child acts out? What logical consequences can they expect as a result?a day. They can earn additional screen time after completing cooperative activities such as basic chores and homework. If they get angry, scale back on this incentive. Reduce the free screen time allotment.
This is when we want to give them an option to take it back. I call this the “take back of the day” or TBD approach. I did it with my kids when they were growing up and I’ve recommended it to hundreds of families as a tool to diffuse tension and bring awareness to disrespectful comments. I think it’s helpful when everyone in the family has a chance to take back something they said without risk of penalty–including adults who can model how it works.
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