SexDiaries: 'I have a little extra energy today because now I have a crush. I like this feeling. I won’t go psycho texting or stalking him or anything, but it’s nice to have something to look forward to!'
Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher This week, a woman masturbating to various celebrities while juggling kids and a glamorous job: 43, divorced, Soho.9:00 a.m. It’s my first time waking up at J’s house. Why is it that the nicer the apartment, the less I like the guy? I really wanted to like this one. We met on Bumble about six weeks ago. I’ve never been more than “meh” about him.
4:00 p.m. I’m finally home after my “afternoon delight.” Bless this clean, quiet apartment and my favorite Madewell pajama set. 6:00 p.m. My kids are watching a movie, so I do some online dating. I’m not really interested in casual sex. I’d like to find someone to have a serious relationship with, but that someone has to be amazing. I won’t compromise. I am content with my life as is, so I would rather be alone than with someone I don’t totally fucking worship and adore.
8:30 p.m. I say “Good night” to my kids and leave them with our neighbor, who’s their favorite babysitter and — to be clear — not even close to the fictional babysitter of my fantasy life. 10:30 p.m. Long work day . And then, a long parenting day. I just want to masturbate to a celebrity and go to bed.12:30 p.m. I go to a trendy sushi place for lunch with a colleague and the hottest men in suits are sitting next to us. Like, I want to bone all these men. It’s crazy. Two of the four have wedding rings on. The others could very well be divorced. My colleague and I asked them where they work — they’re hedge-fund guys.
2:00 p.m. So I’m sneaking out of work for this coffee date. Bad Jon Hamm is a freelance photographer and he has a shoot nearby so that’s why this weird plan was suggested by him. I’m already not so into the freelance-photographer thing, but we’ll see.4:00 p.m. I’m back at work and damn, I liked that guy. His job is pretty fabulous, actually. And he seemed different. Grounded, yet sexy. We agreed to meet up again soon, but let’s see if he texts and makes it happen.
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