SexDiaries: 8 p.m. I’m tired already and start getting ready for bed. I’ve been really, really enjoying sleep lately. Perhaps because “falling asleep” entails about an hour of uninterrupted fantasizing about my ex, M
Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher This week, a woman getting butterflies in her stomach at work while trying not to text her ex on their birthday: 27, single, Boston.10 a.m. I am working as a barista at a bustling coffee shop. It’s the end of my two-week training session.
12 p.m. It’s a beautiful day. A and I smoke a joint and embarrass C by dancing around a fountain and singing songs from The Sound of Music. We point at buildings and say, “Oh, look at that,” and get cannolis that fall apart in your hands while you eat them. 5:30 a.m. What could I have possibly done to this woman, other than take too long to get sleeves, that could make her hate me this much? She says nothing. Every time I have to ask her where something is or how to do something — which is often — I’m met with the driest, most annoyed tone. I know I shouldn’t care whether she likes me or not and that it’s out of my control, anyway. But I do.I shake my head no and she gestures me over to the espresso machine.
2:30 p.m. B leaves for the day, and it’s like I can feel the dopamine draining from my brain. I feel myself begin to crash. This is exactly why I have started referring to my love life as an addiction. The highs and the crashes.9 a.m. A later morning. B is not here. I am both relieved and kind of bummed. We have a new kid and suddenly I don’t feel like the most newbie newbie anymore.
But before I go down this rabbit hole, something comes to mind: B. I imagine us at work, when our hands fleetingly touch and we pause. There’s tension. She storms away to the back. Then, I follow in search of syrup or something. We almost bump into each other, and instead of scurrying away awkwardly, she grabs my collar. We step farther back out of sight and she has me pressed against the wall. We look at each other, knew it.
3:45 p.m. I keep thinking that I need to text B about swapping my shifts before she sends out the schedule for next week, but she usually does it two days from now, so I think I still have time. I text the person covering for me to confirm.
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