How to have a strong relationship without losing touch with your authentic self, according to HarrietLerner
If you want to learn more about building a strong “I” and a strong “We,” here are my CliffsNotes on what it requires:in the context of connectedness. Authenticity means we can be who we are in a relationship. “Being who we are” means:2. We can define our values, beliefs, convictions, and principles and keep our own behavior in the relationship congruent with them.4. We can clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.6.
7. We can relate to the other person’s competence to solve his or her problems and manage reactions and pain over time. 9. We can give advice or feedback when asked, as a calm sharing of self recognizing that this may or may not fit for the other party. Accomplishing the above requires"self-focus" in contrast to focusing intensely on others. When we are self-focused we can:…work on clarifying a life plan that will allow us to live our own life as well as possible.
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