“By the time I met my partner in 2015, my daughter, then 11, and I had countless conversations about homosexuality and my own queerness,” Vanessa Martir writes.
By the time I met my partner in 2015, my daughter, then 11, and I had countless conversations about homosexuality and my own queerness. We were at a woman’s music festival in Michigan when I met Katia, and I knew I had to tell my daughter right away. We are super close, and I do not hide such things from her, especially since I had been raising her as a single mom.
She stopped and smiled that supernova smile of hers that takes up her whole face. “You like Katia, don’t you?” I laughed and nodded.Later, when Katia and I had committed to each other, I worried how my daughter would handle people’s responses to finding out about her family. The tween years are hard, socially, and kids can be so vicious to each other. I thought back to the homophobia I dealt with and wanted to spare my child that kind of hatred. I loved the family we were building.
She looked at me and asked, nonchalantly: “What? That you’re in a lesbian relationship?” She scooped some pasta into her mouth and blinked at me.“Yeah. I mean, you don’t have to tell anyone. I’m just …” I stammered. I could feel the shame burning acid in my throat. We internalize this stuff, whether we want to or not.
“I’ve told a few of my close friends. The other day I told a boy off for calling another kid a [f-word].” She smiled. “I told him love is love.” I think back to the child I was in that cafeteria and wish there had been a magazine as audacious as Parents Magazine available to me then. I would have learned early homosexuality is normal, and there is no shame in it, no matter what anyone says. We are like any other family, raising our children, trying to do right by them, teaching them to be good people.The other day, my fiancee and I went to see our girl, now 14, in her acting debut at her new high school.
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