Your teen’s executive functions are weak, and his time management needs help. But he doesn’t want to hear this (or solutions) from you. Should you hover and push? Or retreat and let him fail? An ADHD coach weighs in.
“I’m trying to work on time management with my 15-year-old son before he returns to school, but it feels hopeless. He won’t listen to me or try my suggestions because he either doesn’t like my ideas or feels he can do it alone. It’s always a fight. It gets toxic at worst and frustrating at best. Should I force him to do it my way or leave him alone?”It’s exhausting and frustrating to share tips and tools to help your child, only to be repeatedly rebuffed or shut down.
So, what is the right thing to do? How much should you push vs. back off? And can you really teach him the skills he needs to be successful? The short answer: Absolutely!challenges affect most teens — especially those with attention deficits and executive dysfunction.
While this problem is ubiquitous, common ground can be found. Because though teens will insist, “It’s not a problem,” or “I’ve got everything under control,” or worse, “I don’t need your help,” very few teenagers enjoy all-nighters, last-minute scrambles, or constant arguments with their parents.Teens want to do well. And succeed. They just don’t always know how or want to do it their way. If we start with those understandings, we can get on the path to success. Together.
I’m often asked if all my student coaching clients are “success stories.” No, of course not. But many are. Here are the three important lessons I’ve learned along the way.Parent involvement is critical to helping a student succeed. I don’t mean you need to turn into aand hover over your teen each minute. It also does not mean being completely hands-off and letting your teen figure out everything on their own. Granted, your degree of involvement will depend on your teen.
Don’t get discouraged. Trust yourself — and your son. Try different approaches until you find one that works. Learn together if he will let you. Just keep the lines of communication open. Remember, if it doesn’t work out, you can always bring in a professional. This is only the beginning.
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