Perspective: His mother asks the couple to keep secrets from each other, and it’s starting to feel like her way of controlling them.
For me, most recently, she asked me if she had done something to upset me — she had — but asked me not to mention our conversation to her son. I didn't mention it to him. I'm not sure if I was “obeying” her or if I just didn't want to talk to him about it.
While this may be minor, I am trying to dig deep and see if I have been influenced by her in other ways. I don’t know how to bring this up to him, and I am scared he will be defensive of her and mad at me. I don’t think I should talk to her about it, though.Definitely act on this, though you might be overstating the “controlling” part, which in turn might be over-amping your sense of the stakes.
Then: “Have you ever thought about it?” You can add, “I’m not comfortable with it” here, or wait for his answer.Regardless of how this conversation turns out, I urge you to draw the line with your mother-in-law hereafter, every time. “I'm not comfortable agreeing to that. I won't keep secrets from your son.” Don't budge.Best case, this is just a habit of hers developed through her own insecurities or oddities in her upbringing.
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