Personal Perspective: What can you do when you’re pretty sure someone is upset with you, but they won’t tell you what's really going on?
What can you do when you’re pretty sure someone is upset with you, but they won’t tell you what's really going on? For me, this is one of the most unsettling positions to find myself in, especially when I care about the other person. And for leaders, it’s all the more complex – especially if there’s any kind of power dynamic involved.
Instead of walking away or chastising Nate for being disrespectful, Ted comes closer to Nate and says in a serious but earnest tone, “What is it, hmm? What’d I do?” At this point, many of us might just give up or cast judgment on Nate. But once again, Ted hangs in there, leaning further into curiosity: “Oh come on man. You’re mad as hell at me. I just want to know why. Huh? What have I got to learn here?”
Now, it would have been perfectly reasonable for Ted to be the angry one in this situation — after all, Nate was the one who betrayed his secret to the press. But because Ted's goal was to learn what was really going on, he didn't react with anger or defensiveness. He got curious about Nate, and as hard as this must have been for Ted to hear, he ended up discovering the true source of Nate's feelings and behavior.
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