'What no one really talks about with second (or third or fourth) trips down the aisle is that your relationship isn't solely between the two of you.'
stories about blended family triumphs where ex-spouses come together alongside new spouses for the sake of their kids. Dads and stepdads walking daughters down the aisle at weddings; moms and stepmoms exchanging beautiful letters professing mutual love and respect and gratitude. They're sweet, aren't they?don't blend veryHere's something I've learned in my almost decade of this stepmom gig.
This dynamic is one of the reasons why parenting everyone the same is virtually impossible. Trust me, we tried. But the rules and efforts we made in our home didn't extend beyond its boundaries. And kids are smart; they know the two houses don't have the same rules. They learn to work it and figure out who will give them what they want and who gets snarky and says things like, "Deal with it.
Instead, we suffer in silence and take it out on ourselves and our spouses. And boy, are we good at doing both of those — or at least I was. instead of pushing it down and hoping it would pass. We discovered that boundaries were necessary — no more excusing or tolerating bad behavior. If a kid broke our rules, they lost a privilege. Full stop. We also let go of certain expectations, like making all the kids attend each other’s school events. We learned to pick our battles and spent some time coming up with a game plan for when things went south.