Satire by Alexandra Petri: The royal beehive extends its condolences on the loss of the Queen
It can be so frustrating when well-wishers say the wrong thing, acting as though your queen was decorative only, a drain on your resources when, in fact, it was only because of her tireless laying of eggs — as many as 1,500 daily during certain times of year — that your hive was able to exist at all. All they saw was the workers waiting on her, foreleg, midleg and hindleg, and not her immeasurable contributions.
We know that as you dance your dance to indicate the nearest source of nectar, you might feel that things will never return to normal. You might scarcely feel like dancing at all. We felt that way upon the passing of our last queen, even though we all joined in the balling around her that resulted in her overheating and demise.
But rest assured: We know it seems unthinkable right now, but already, among the larvae, there is one who will become fat and strong upon an exclusive diet of royal jelly and will serve you just as well as she did. Let this thought be your solace, as it was ours. Believe us, we understand entirely. Better than anyone. Please accept some partially digested nectar that we sucked up through our proboscises and regurgitated, as token of our deep condolence.
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