Satire by Alexandra Petri: Announcements from Donald Trump that would actually be a surprise
Donald Trump steps to the podium. He smiles. “Today, I met an associate,” he said. “Someone savory with a lot of aboveboard business dealings. A top-feeder. Someone whom other people want to work with, because he is competent and not crooked. We had a nice lunch."Donald Trump steps to the podium and gives everyone a big thumbs-up. “Today,” he announces, “I changed a baby’s diaper!” He waits for the cheers to die down.
“I denounce racism and antisemitism,” Donald Trump says. “And not in a winking way. I would like to begin by apologizing to President Barack Obama and continue by apologizing to hundreds, thousands of others. But words are hollow. To undo the damage I have done will require work."Donald Trump steps up to the podium and smiles. “Did you see those James Webb Space Telescope pictures, folks?” he asks. “Just exquisite. All those billions and billions of stars.
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