Amid mounting international pressure for the Israel-Hamas war to end, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today detailed his vision for postwar Gaza, though the plans have sparked more controversy than concord. The Onion breaks down each point proposed in the plan and how it will affect Gaza.
Big Burning Pit Of Fire And Agony Netanyahu has contracted with world-renowned architects at Wheeler Kearns to create concepts for an eternally burning pit of flame and anguish as a centerpiece to his Gaza plans. Protected Bomb Lanes Long interested in the so-called “complete street” idea of city planning, Bibi hopes to implement congestion pricing and divide off at least a third of every street to allow eco-friendly bombs to pass through.
Call Anyone Who Criticizes His Plans Antisemitic Over the next several phases of this operation, Bibi plans to claim that anyone who opposes him hates Jews. Pastel Color Palette A new coat of paint will do wonders to liven up a drab war zone. Taking A Dramatic Tour Wearing A Bulletproof Vest Netanyahu reportedly plans on really upping the ante by wearing a combat helmet too.
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