Dear Care and Feeding: I’m worried sentimental attachments are going to get them hurt.
Any of the “solutions” you proposed would work; it’s a matter of you deciding what will make you feel the most comfortable. Buying a new pair of the same pants in your size sounds like the easiest way to please your mother while avoiding an uncomfortable conversation about why the original ones don’t fit. However, you mention that your mom, too, carries complicated feelings about her weight. For that reason, she should be understanding about why the first pair didn’t work.
All three birthdays are close together as is the anniversary of my stepmother’s death. I knew that my brothers wanted an expensive video game console that our dad couldn’t afford, so I got a second part-time job to save up to pay for it. I wasn’t going to leave Kerry out, so I got some generic bath stuff to give her. When I visited, I warned my brothers that this was a combo birthday/Christmas gift from me.
However, in the interest of your brothers’ peace, I think you should speak to your dad, his wife, and Kerry herself about what happened. Let them know that in light of what your brothers have been through in the past few years , you went out of your way to try and brighten their birthdays. Be honest about the fact that it didn’t occur to you that Kerry would feel slighted by this; ostensibly, she, too, would have access to the game console.
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