'I can be easily seduced by you simply putting your crap away.'
I lay on the floor in a starfish spread. “Do I look okay? I’m concussed. You need to organize your shit.”Thanks to one-day shipping and the shared fear of having to navigate this absurd housing market, we found a solution. My husband bought several water bottle organizers designed to hold up to 12 bottles in neat little rows that assuaged my soul . He purged the excess bottles, even the ones from our post-college heyday, when we’d fill them with vodka before going to concerts.
When he presented that neatly organized water bottle cabinet to me, I nearly wept. I wanted to seduce my husband right there on the floor, underneath the water bottles. I’d whisper huskily, “You’ve been watching, haven’t you?” Afterwards, we’d hydrate ourselves like civilized people. This is, after all, what they mean when they say “through thick and thin,” right? Or maybe we should just switch that vow to: “through ridiculously petty household dramas and everything else.
. The only way around this is by hooking your lumberjack up to a gurgling, hydro-fueled machine that looks just like something that would appear inSure, you may be stuck purchasing all the distilled water under the sun, and maybe he’ll suffer aof nosebleed from the plastic shoved up his nostrils. But it’s worth it. Marital harmony rests on the ability to dream about another man while sleeping soundly next to your husband.
And if you're looking for more marriage tips, please attend my next seminar on more ways to buy yourself into a healthy marriage, where I will sell you a timeshare you can’t afford in exchange for dry pastries and more embarrassing, overly personal revelations about my marriage.
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