Many guests are coming from out of town, and they’re going to expect something better than this.
It seems rude to seat guests in a different room than the guest of honor. They will not be able to hear any speeches or toasts, nor see the cake cutting. The room is not even large enough to have all of the guests mingle after dinner.
I am afraid that her mother will feel embarrassed and that some of the guests may feel slighted by their seating assignments. I don’t think the hostess realizes that this situation can hurt people’s feelings. Should I volunteer that my family is willing to be seated outside the room in order to free up four seats in the private room for other guests? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and sit where I am told?As the guest of honor is not your mother and the hostess is not your sister, the safest course of action is either not to intervene or, as you suggest, to volunteer to give up your own seats.
Every right-thinking host and hostess tries to avoid unequal seating because of the consequences you anticipate. When it cannot be avoided, the hostess should apologize, make provisions so that those excluded can see and hear, and ask close friends to sit in the second room, possibly designating one as an auxiliary hostess.
What your sister-in-law is thinking eludes Miss Manners. Why go to the trouble of inviting guests if you have no intention of looking after them? Fortunately, you cannot be accused of rudeness if you sit this one out.My aunt and mother raised me to believe that “if you can’t stay, then you don’t go.” Meaning, it is rude to say to the host/hostess, “I can only stay a little while; I have another party to attend.” When one commits to attend a gathering, one does not leave early to attend another.
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