How to build trust in a relationship that's based on truly knowing and understanding the other person
, deceit, financial manipulation—fractures the ability to trust anyone who gets close to us, including friends, relatives, even children. Yet the human need to trust persists, creating an internal storm of wanting to trust while being terrified of it.puts faith in someone without regard to demonstrated reliability or trustworthiness. It’s more a reluctance to experience the doubt, anxiety, and loneliness of distrust than an endorsement of the other person’s better qualities.
Realistically, it’s possible that any of us could betray a loved one. Blind trust denies this darker characteristic of human nature; suspicion exaggerates it. Wise trust is an assessment that the probability of betrayal is low.The secret of trusting wisely is to forget about trust. Your brain won’t let you sustain it as long as you’re hurt anyway, as most defenses run almost exclusively on autopilot.
Genuine trust is not a goal so much as a by-product of enhanced core value—the ability to create value and meaning in your life. Focus first on self-compassion and then on compassion for others, and you’ll find that trust will sneak up with you, in its own good time. My late mother was the model of how to be compassionate while withholding trust. One Thanksgiving, I came home from college to find that my mother had taken in a couple of distant cousins who were out of work.
I was not surprised to see people living in our house. (My mother had overcome the severe battering she suffered at the hands of my father during my early
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