“I started writing songs, and it literally became the vessel for me, dealing with my feelings and helping understand what was going on around me.”
Ballerini, a sophomore at the time, details in the poem “His Name Was Ryan” how she was sitting in the high school cafeteria with other students before classes began when a shot rang out.She saw the victim, Ryan, with both hands to his heart start to bleed. While most of her fellow students went into fight or flight mode, she froze in place, watching her Spanish teacher rush to help. Ballerini saw the boy stop moving on the ground moments later, before she ran down the hallway horrified.
The “Miss Me More” singer writes that 13 years later, she’s still scared of loud noises, triggered by the news, is terrified of guns and is sensitive in crowds. Being in a profession where she is often surrounded by some of those triggers, she ensures that safety and her wellbeing are top priorities.
That wasn’t the only hardship she endured while attending Central High School in Knoxville, Tennessee — she was also bullied about her physique. In the poem “Kangaroo,” Ballerini explains that a boy on the basketball team made fun of her body and encouraged others to do the same. The singer noted that she had hated her body for years prior, but that the comments made waves in her head.
The singer started taking diet pills, referring to them in the book as “my best kept secret, my worst kept habit.”