The holidays can feel over before they begin. The Midwest Goodbye, at its heart, is a bearhug around whatever time is left.
, I said. What people, she asked. People not from the Midwest,people from the Midwest, I said. In Minnesota, they even call it the Minnesota Goodbye. As evidence of its truth, I offered a math example: If we need to leave Thanksgiving dinner at your parent’s house in Michigan and the time is 8 p.m. and it takes four hours to reach Chicago, at what time do we say “Well ...” and start moving toward the door if we need to be home by midnight? The correct answer is 4 p.m.
I don’t write this out of exhaustion, annoyance or any real desire to get back to work and the inevitable post-holiday malaise. I say this out of cultural anthropology. Italians also believe in epic farewells. Southerners are proud of their unwillingness to move from big welcomings to brief goodbyes. Even in the bowels of Middle Earth, at the front door of Mordor,, and a long walk home, Frodo turns to Sam and doesn’t say, OK, let’s bounce, but rather: “I am glad you are here with me.
Last year they waited too long. This year everyone is early. People on Facebook say there’s going to be a revolution but I swear it’s the same people who have time to hang 10,000 lights. You’d think they’d be chopping wood or whatever. The world’s nuts.No. 12: Restart engine. As you back out, wave. Wave at anyone in a window. Wave in the rearview mirror — your hosts are in the street, waving as the sun rises behind them.and my answer is: The Chexit. The Chicago Exit. Different neighborhoods or suburbs may adopt their own names: The Winnetka Toodledo. The Pullman Ta-Ta. The Wheaton Wave. The Bridgeport SeeYa. But the steps are the same: When it is time to leave, you thank everyone and you leave.
That’s the beauty of the Irish Goodbye, which means not telling anyone you’re leaving but just slipping away before the inevitable promises to get together again next week. The Irish Goodbye is a social introvert’s dream. It’s exhilaratingly reclusive! Plus, unlike most ghosting, it’s almost sensitive to the inadequacy of goodbyes. But it leaves regrets, and a lack of closure.
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