'I was discharged after an eight-day admission for detox, and my first priority was getting through my upcoming holiday without any alcohol.'
In November 2019, I began what I hoped would be my fourth and final detox from alcohol. Having been caught up in the cycle of detox, relapse and repeat for several years I had grown tired. “During my hospital admission, I naturally spent the time thinking about my future and the next steps in my recovery.
The previous Christmas Eve, I had been in the same hospital for a prolonged mental health crisis. While there’s no question my drinking significantly exacerbated my mental state, at that time I wasn’t in a position to consider sobriety. Because I was no longer drinking alcohol, my biggest dilemma was what I should drink. So I bought fizzy grape juice ― like wine but without the alcohol. Every time I felt my anxieties rise about the big day, I told myself: “IWhat surprised me is that no one really asked what I was doing for Christmas, which actually made it easier. In previous years, before my epic relapse, I was invited to my friend’s house, an affluent French chap. His mother would come over from Paris.
Unlike Christmases gone by, I didn’t have to get up to go anywhere or even get dressed. My anxieties were eased by knowing there was no “peopling” involved. There were no awkward conversations around the dinner table with relatives I only see at Christmas, big birthdays or funerals. Nor did I have to down a bottle of wine to ensure there was enough alcohol in my system to get me through the day.
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