'Sitting alone at home hoping I won’t get sick and die is simply not worth it. Loneliness itself can kill,' writes EricaManfred.
I’m divorced with no family nearby and a history of depression. A persistent sense of dread has always been my constant companion, but it has gotten a lot worse since COVID-19. Before the pandemic I fended off despair by keeping busy and being social — going places and doing things with people. But when the lockdown started I spiraled downhill. I couldn’t even go out and take a walk due to arthritis — another constant companion.
So, in desperation, I drove to the beach and found a spot to sit and watch the people walk by so at least I’d get to see real human beings, breathe salt air and look at the ocean — which reminded me there was an entire world outside of my apartment. I went shopping at the supermarket — masked, of course — for stuff I didn’t need just to get out of the house. I longed to get coffee at Panera Bread and drink it outside but they’d removed the tables.
. Foolishly, as it happened. But I thank God and our homeowners association every day for reopening the pools, which made my existence tolerable.I haven’t moved back into lockdown and neither have the intrepid among my older friends. We are still sneaking out to dinner. One friend even flew to Milwaukee to see her family and she babysits her granddaughter here.
. But gathering over a meal is a primal human way of connecting. The simple act of meeting a friend for dinner makes me feel that life is worth living.
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