My husband feels guilty about the divorce, so indulges her – I find myself fantasising about how it would be if it was just him, me and our son
“If being a parent can feel thankless at times, when things are tough, then being a step-parent is doubly so” Blended families are increasingly common in the UK, and the language about step-parenting has become more positive and inclusive. Princess Beatrice refers to her husband’s child from a previous marriage as her “bonus son”, and Gisele Bündchen calls herself a “bonus mum”.
When she was younger, I was able to take her on days out, and play games with her, and I think she saw me as a fun aunt-type. It had its challenges then, but I was able to connect with her. But now, she talks to me like I’m dirt on the bottom of her shoe, and I find it hard knowing how to respond. She comes across to me as spoilt, entitled, and demanding.
I’ve started trying to take a big emotional step back, telling myself these feelings are natural and that I need to be practical about the situation. Being a teenager is tough – she may well be like this to her mother, too – but I don’t have the confidence to feel that it’ll all be alright in the end because our bond is not unconditional.
What makes it even more challenging is the spectre of her mother in the background. I have been civil – through gritted teeth – with my husband’s ex wife, and have tried to make things as smooth as possible, even though I find her to be a really difficult person. She left my husband for someone else, who she is still with – they didn’t have any children together.
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Celebrate the Year of the Wood Dragon in five tasty treatsMelina Keays is the entertaining director of Wallpaper*. She has been part of the brand since the magazine’s launch in 1996, and is responsible for entertaining content across the print and digital platforms, and for Wallpaper’s creative agency Bespoke.
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