This is a hill I will die on
Nothing will dry my juices up quicker than being kissed badly. It’s horrific the date of the first kiss from 1500 BCE to 2500 BCE. The paper, authored by Troels Pank Arbøll and Sophie Lund Rasmussen, grabbed headlines all around the world, and it’s not hard to see why.
They argued that “this behaviour did not emerge abruptly or in a specific society but appears to have been practised in multiple ancient cultures over several millennia”. Their research has been popping up again recently in a host of Valentine’s Day-themed articles, which sent me down a kissing rabbit hole once more.. Why do we do it? Although other animals engage in similar behaviour, such as sniffing, rubbing, and head butts, only humans and bonobos kiss, and we do it a lot more than they do.
Nothing will dry my juices up quicker than being kissed badly. It’s horrific. To be clear, I am not talking about those early kisses where you are still getting in sync with one another, or even the ones where it’s just not great. No, I am talking about the real offenders here. The ones who lunge and attack, with little regard for the poor sod they have suctioned on to. Bad kissers are selfish lovers and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
Once or twice, I have tried to offer some constructive criticism to a bad kisser, in situ, in the hope of improving things, but it did rather spoil the mood. I had quite clearly offended them and then neither of us really wanted to be there. Awkwardness ensued and I ended up leaving early anyway. Despite their prevalence, no one wants to be a bad kisser and perhaps someone recoiling then screaming, “Dear God, stop spitting in my mouth,” isn’t exactly a turn on.
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