Your kindness and empathy will help your friend feel less isolated, fearful, and unstable during a difficult life crisis.
Gloria is going through a very difficult divorce. Her husband has had an affair and now blames Gloria for the affair and the divorce.
“Jack feels neglected and says I am too focused on the children,” she tells me, “So he is trying to punish me by dragging out the divorce process.” Gloria goes on to say that her friends don’t know what to say or how to support her. Some friends have distanced themselves, “as if divorce is contagious,” Gloria says. Others have apparently taken sides and aligned with Jack. I ask what she needs from her friends, and then we talk about how to let her friends know how they can comfort or support her., and sadness. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can be incredibly comforting.
If your friend seems overwhelmed and unable to cope, you can gently suggest that they seek help. There are divorce support groups that meet in person and online. If they seem open to it, suggest talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide professional guidance and support. Gloria has used counseling well, especially in developing coping strategies and learning how to ask for what she needs from friends.
Later, Gloria spoke with two of her closest friends about how they could help. They were delighted to be asked and to be able to be helpful. Gloria was surprised when one friend responded, “Thank you for asking me. I had no idea how to help and you have given me a gift by asking me!” One friend regularly invited her to dinner and a movie when Gloria’s children were with their dad.
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