Racism adds seen and unseen barriers to realizing the full potential of our sexual selves.
contributes to lower sexual desire, and may make it even harder for some women to want to prioritize their sex lives.
This can create performance anxieties tied to what I call “pornographic perfectionism”—the idea that people with marginalized identities have to be a perfect sex partner, defined by unrealistic porn standards—especially if that partner holds more privilege.
How we gauge good sex matters in this discussion. Some people conflate good sex with having an orgasm and pleasure. These are definitely components, but they’re not the full story. Other people consider how often you have sex the ultimate criteria. Again, it can be one of them, but not the totality, because different people prefer more or less sex. Good sex is multifaceted, and each person should have agency to define it for themselves, as long as it's consensual.
At the core, racial inequity complicates that agency of sexual self-definition. When the media, education systems, and political figures are working overtime to sexually define you, it can be hard to tune out the noise and define yourself. It also exacerbates the consequences of not-so-good sex . That is, when you can’t define good sex for yourself, then it’s hard to communicate what it is to your partners.
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