“No one knows for certain how women’s bodies work. Trust us, we’ve asked everyone: men, congressmen, doctors who are men—everyone!”
Women’s bodies are incredible. They truly defy nature and literally all the laws of physics.
But, despite not knowing anything about women for certain, here are some definitive facts about women that we are confident about:furniture or a model airplane, women require time, patience, and an itty-bitty screwdriver. We all know that women take forever to get ready! It’s, like, what is she even doing in there? Shaving her body and filing for divorce? Unfortunately, women don’t come with an instruction manual. In this sense, D.I.Y. furniture and little planes are much easier to manage.
Women, like cars or boats, have many parts: a head, legs, a mouth for vocal fry, hands for making cookies. If you look closely, women also have a tiny pullstring. When you yank it, they say typical woman things, such as “Sorry!” and “No worries if not!” and “Please stop, that’s my tampon!” And did we mention “Sorry!”?
Every so often, a voice in the back of our heads questions whether what we’re saying is right—if this really is how women’s bodies work or if we’re just making stuff up because we can’t be bothered to learn anything. But then we think, Nah, we’re men. And men know more things. That is another important fact about women! They know fewer things than men.
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