DearPrudie: Her mother doesn’t want her around “someone like me.” Help!
I felt lost reading your question because two of the rules that guide a lot of my answers felt like they were impossible to apply at the same time. I wanted Emma to get the time and attention she needed from her dad, but the reason she needed that time was awful! And it didn’t seem fair to your toddler. Or you, for that matter. So I was stuck.
The responses made me realize that Emma absorbing her mother’s racism is not a permanent thing that has to be dealt with because she needs her father. It’s something he can work to change. He’s a parent, too, after all! And, after hearing from everyone on Twitter, I’m a little concerned that he isn’t taking more responsibility for being the parent she needs or for taking care of you and your toddler emotionally.
Readers made it clear: He’s really falling down on the job. He can change and take control of this situation if he wants to. She has neither a stepdaughter problem or a first wife problem. she has a husband problem. if that man don’t lay down the rules with Emma’s mom nothing will change. he should not be making concessions to his ex’s RACISM or abandoning his wife when his daughter is there. —The problem here is that dad has refused to have an actual backbone & insist on basic courtesy and decency from his daughter.
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