Two ADHD experts provide relationship advice for readers navigating conflict-seeking behavior, toxic love, couple fighting, and other common relationship problems.
Q: “My spouse and I fight a lot. He provokes conflict, whether he’s aware of it or not. It’s like he needs the stimulation of an adrenaline rush. How can I break this pattern?”
Here are some approaches you might take based on the underlying motivation for his conflict-seeking behavior. He finds conflict stimulating. If the fights are purely about stimulation, then your approach should be two-fold. First, don’t engage by being sucked into an argument. Practice emotional stability work such as meditation, journaling, exercise, mindfulness, or anything that enables you to stay calm in the moment. Respond to him by saying, “I can see that you’re upset.
Since your daughter is an adult, the best thing you can do is express your concerns and offer your support. Pushing or encouraging her to leave her partner may strengthen their bond, and he may use this to further alienate your daughter from friends and family.
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